On the Eve of my 40th: An Executive Summary of My Thoughts and Appreciations…

Emmanuel Tarfa, September 2023

I thought I would publish a book on or before my 40th birthday but I couldn't because I didn't have the time. The Irony is as a management consultant, you technically write a book every other month.

Notwithstanding, I decided to write an article instead — an executive summary of my thoughts and an easy way out for both the writer and the reader.

We also have too much information and media and I think a lot of people pretend to read books. Anyway, this article is a compromise. It was not written with AI, well, except that I used the App Grammarly to proofread. I hear some voices say, “AI still has a hand in it.”

Before you begin, I must warn you — I write personal articles in a sort of “quasi-rambling manner”. I mix it all up — faith, work, life etc. I am just trying to tell a story.

One may ask “Emmanuel, do you need to write?” Yes! Writing is important because it sets the record for generations to come, enables you to own your story, and could also be a report card that can be reviewed in the future. Imagine me reading this article at 50 or 70 etc. or my children and grandchildren reading it? They would appreciate some things and draw inspiration for their own lives. For instance, they may not believe I actually wrote the article because nobody may need to write in the future. You may only need to imagine or speak it and it happens.

Even the Bible is a book of writings —seemingly ordinary letters, written out of love became Epistles with content and context for new creation realities in Christ Jesus, thousands of years later.

Meanwhile, I will be very surprised if humanity will still be around for another 1,000 years to read my article.

Wait! Emmanuel, how can you be 40?

This is a double-sided question. On one side: some of my secondary school classmates will be shocked because the average birth year of the set is 1985/86. On the other hand, some more recent acquaintances such as clients and social media followers would think I should be older or just about that age.

For my secondary schoolmates, I am sorry for the shock because you’re the only ones I owe an explanation. I have a confession: I was one of Nigeria’s only Child intelligence officers ever employed for a South American foreign government tracking a fugitive drug lord, who was hiding in Agbara, Nigeria. He sent his kids to Federal Government College Lagos (Ijanikin) and the plan was to find them and get close. They needed a slightly more mature kid, so I had to start from J.S.S1.

Why do you think I disappeared from school a few times, had close Senior friends, or had very white school shirts in J.S.S 1, did you think I used to wash them myself? This story is longer but let me come back to it later.

My military uncle nominated and got me the gig. There is more but for now and on my 40th, you heard this story first.

40 is big and cannot go quietly without the usual party

Well, it's complicated. To keep it simple: I am driven by personal convictions and not societal norms. Infact, I usually act differently from what people would normally do, not as a rebel but in pursuing what I believe and what makes me happy. There is nothing wrong with celebrating important dates and I have nothing against that.

I dread parties, especially the morning after — it feels like an anticlimax because I will wake up as the same person before the party. I also feel like when you have a party, virtue leaves you. As weird as this may sound, this is me being sincere.

“Emmanuel, such birthdays are for celebrating with friends and family”. Well, I do that every Sunday at Church and weekday at work. For those living far away— I can pick up the phone and call them. “Emmanuel you’re weird”. Well, now you know. There is more weird stuff about me but let me not ruin our relationship. Let’s see what happens at my 50th God’s willing.

My Ideal 40th Celebration

Take my beautiful wife and two lovely daughters on a week’s adventure to some family-friendly holiday destination.

Return them to Lagos and take off alone for two weeks carrying a Tumi backpack, a Schengen visa, $10k in a debit card — traveling across European cities and villages on trains and night buses, sleeping in Air BnB’s.

So, what does it feel like to be 40?

I see the pity on the faces of my younger friends and colleagues as if being 40 is a disease and the joy on the faces of the older ones, who are very mischievously happy to welcome me to some old men’s club.

I am not going to give anyone the cliche response “I cannot believe I am 40”. At the time of this writing, I have no conventional regrets regarding my net worth — the typical report card for measuring a successful life before 40.

I am driven by the ideology of everyday success and remain sensitive to times and seasons in my life and sphere of influence. I do not practice annual rituals. I wake up every day as though it was the 1st of January with new ideas and new plans. That’s probably why my colleagues can’t keep up with my daily new ideas.

I believe our report cards are served to us daily and I had gotten to 40 mentally before the time. I am sincerely not feeling surreal.

So, no regrets?

Sincerely no conventional regrets except one.

I only wish I was much more prayerful.

I believe for a man (especially the male gender), prayerfulness isn't negotiable. This is not another religious postulation, but an understanding born out of a sense of deep conviction and experience that if anyone seeks to lead a life devoid of fundamental and irreversible errors, being sincerely prayerful is the secret.

Prayers not out of fear or a desire for things but out of a personal relationship with God. It's the highest covering and fulfillment.

I have observed from preceding generations, that the problem with being a man begins in their middle to late 30’s. When childhood dreams begin to fade or on another extreme end, when they achieve great success without a sense of true purpose. Temptations begin to abound, some of which end up in mid-life crises. I have seen that sincere men of prayer are able to navigate these tough times especially at work and are preserved.

There were mornings I prayed, got the inspiration to make a particular call or visit some client, and immediately saw results or got certain confirmations.

So, one of the things I am truly looking forward to is a Prayerful Emmanuel on steroids. My first prayer request in this season is to get a map of what it takes to travel to a point in this life, when I find myself fully immersed in God’s thoughts for me. That is my greatest quest.

We have been told money makes people comfortable but not fulfilled. Alot of us are more fulfilled than some of the rich people we admire. Somebody may say, “give me their misery and money”. I advise you to pursue fulfilment and money separately.

The fundamental problem is not a life without purpose, but our inability to define success, happiness, or true fulfilment.

What would you say is your greatest achievement?

I am still on the journey and ideally, this question can only be answered by the people I am called to serve. From my wife, kids, extended family, friends, colleagues, clients, Nigeria and humanity etc.

I would rather answer the question by saying the last 40 years were training sessions. I am actually just about to start working. I am talking about serving my loved ones and humanity on a larger scale.

Any advice for the younger generation?

To be sincere, we are too quick to provide unsolicited advice in this part of the world. The only other ones who share advice for commercial reasons are motivational speakers, which unfortunately I am not.

If you were paying attention to this article and reading in between the lines, you must have gotten some advice.

Let me put it plainly this time, A prayerful life is the highest level of abstraction for operating your life. Full stop!

Back to the South American Intelligence Agency Days

Laughing out loud! Please!

So, I did Primary 5 three times and still did primary 6. How? Well, I think it’s God. After my original primary 5 in 1992, We moved as a family twice, and every time we got to the new town; they said I wasn’t smart enough and I had to re-do primary 5. When I finally started to get the hang of things, in my third primary 5 (at Airforce primary school Victoria Island in 1995), I didn’t pass the mock exams organized for primary 5 pupils. This failure will automatically qualify me for primary 6. While a couple of parents decided to take their kids outside the school to sit for the common entrance externally, my dad said “NO!”

I am really glad he did not allow me to take that path because my life changed in primary 6 — “I popped!”. I came to a super-consciousness that became the foundation of who I am today. So, my original secondary school classmates (from my first primary 5) graduated in 1999/2000.

I am sure it was hard to imagine an Emmanuel that wasn’t smart. Yes! While the quality of education was a major factor, there were no modern tools for establishing unique learning requirements for kids like me. There was nothing wrong with me, as you can see now :-).

I have a theory: The Superconscious State

This is when you come to yourself. Most times people arrive too late to do anything about it. For some it comes early. E.g. Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, Tony Elumelu, Napoleon and many other great men and women who were able to take decision based on a conscious conviction. Only then were they able to conquer their worlds early.

This is not about financially wealthy people. The European Explorers and missionaries that came to Africa were in this state of consciousness. It was insane to leave the shores of Europe at the time to sail to unknown worlds, not knowing what to expect. Everyman should seek to come to this point early. David, Joseph, Daniel in the Bible, all lived in this consciousness. E.T.

Even the Bible says, “bear the yoke while you’re young”.

Anyway, for me, it was an act of God’s mercy — re-arranging my life for his purpose. Thank God I didn’t finish secondary school in 1999. I would either not be alive or become a random local champion somewhere. But even if Mercy found me much later, my trajectory would have taken me on a completely different tangent, and I would not have met YOU reading this article. For some people, this needs to sink in for a few seconds.

The truth is everyone with a unique destiny will experience a reset. That was mine and thank God it came early at primary school. For those who have only enjoyed double promotions all their lives and not aware that they are unconscious, I trust this article meets you well.

The reason why God is so great is because he controls the Rubik of this world. Remember the hand game — a cube with colours that must be aligned. He has to ensure that the people whom he needs to meet are all on the same side of the cube and at the right time. Only a super and incredible genius can handle this level of complexity for billions of people. E.T

Through God’s mercies, we can fall in line and experience a re-routing for our lives. God’s mercies are also like his A.I. It has the ability to reach out into one's future and fetch the plea for mercy, which is what happened to me.

That is why Institutions, Governments, and leadership are tools of God for directing the affairs of humanity at scale. JAMB and ASSU strikes were probably tools in God’s hands for aligning entire generations. You guys have no clue what is going to come out the rubble of Nigeria. E.T.

What Drives me?

Let Every Man and Woman seek to be Exceptional, it's in our calling…

I know I am different not because I aimlessly choose too but because I just see things differently. Infact, I come alive when I am reading the biography of Steve Jobs and more recently Elon Musk.

Calm down! I am not trying in any way to compare myself with these “gods” and not also projecting that I will become one of the richest men in the World. I never set out with those objectives but with a vision to solve a specific problem in a way nobody else can in a large market.

Let us be clear, there are “Steve Job”: Drivers, mechanics, nurses, politicians, teachers (a lot), clergy etc. These are men and women who decide to think differently and put in the excellence work to build something greater than them and for their customers or stakeholders. That is love! God is love.

I am talking about Vision — the ability to see and articulate a specific outcome in the maze of options exclusively and clearly. Whether it's to chair a small committee, a house party or even lead a company, you cannot treat any task or role like a mere mortal. We were made in the image of God and to be a visionary is to be able to tap into this consciousness.

If God can be so meticulous that he would create billions of species or pay so much attention to the reproductive details of some random species of fish, that are kilometers below the ocean — and was too far for mankind to discover before they went extinct; then you have sinned and fallen short of his glory to be incompetent and average. Steve Jobs was that meticulous and maybe that explains, in my opinion, why he was probably the greatest and most popular corporate visionary of the 21st century. E.T.

In my opinion, Nigeria is not great because of the lack of good leadership alone but because ordinary people refuse to do great things in little places. This too should be copyrighted with all other E.T. quotes. Lol. Forgive my immodesty.

While Steve Jobs and Elon Musk (men who operated kingdom principles by the way) had a bigger platform — America, I resonate with their thinking and when people say it cannot be done, I imagine otherwise.

Maybe I allow the voices in the room to sometimes drown my opinion or make the excuse that I may just be ahead of my time in that context.

In Conclusion

Thank you for reading this to the end. If you have energy and are a close acquaintance, locate your name in the appreciation section.

Life, they say, begins at 40, that is why I am happy to step into a new season in God and mankind. I have my little seeds and I trust God to bring the increase. Till date, I have given my best — time, resources, and expertise to serve as many in my sphere of influence.

For those I didn't serve to the appropriate threshold, I commit to doing better. I haven't been great at staying connected with some of my good old friends, clients and even family etc., but that will also change.

For those coming behind, see you on the 4th floor. For those ahead, we will continue to learn from you.

Now unto him that is able to keep ME from falling, and to present ME faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy.

To the only wise God MY Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion, and power, both now and for the rest of my life on earth. Amen! Jude 24–25,

All the Glory and Thanksgiving to God the Father, Son & Holy Spirit for keeping me to see this day.

Cheers Emmanuel Tarfa to 40!

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Special Appreciations

To my:

• Lovely wife and daughters — I love you guys and everything I have worked for and will ever accomplish is dedicated to you all.
• To my wife and love of my life Philian, thank you for being a pillar, inspiration, great mother, wife and the real Mrs. Patience in my life. You’re my earthly-everything.
• To Carissa — The superwoman in the making, Daddy loves you, and he knows you will make him proud. You’re a leader already.
• To Hyeladzira (Zira aka Zizi), the mental genius, Daddy loves you too and thank you for always screaming my name when I walk in.
• Mum and Dad— thank you for the gift of life and being great examples of character. Your little, critical and troublesome Emma is now 40. I love you both forever.
• Siblings (Vicky, Amina, Rejoice, Dauda, Joshua and Amos)— I love you guys to the edge of the Universe and back.

Vicky — The best big sister anyone could wish for. Your love and sacrifice knows no bounds.

Amina — The fixer, thank you for always showing up for me. Much love.

Rejoice — The bridge for us all — the fearless one, my confidant within the family, I love you dear Sis.

Dauda — The Good and faithful big brother, thank you for your faith in me — much love bro.!

Joshua — I may not say it much, but I love you, my brother!

Amos — my little bro. keep making us proud. You’re different too:-)

• Father and Mother-in-laws Mr. & Mrs. Niyo — I couldn't wish for any more amazing in laws. Thank you for the love and support.
• To the Matriarch — Mama of Mama’s (Mrs. Magaret Hamza aka Auntie Magi.) Happy 80th Birthday. You are a solid woman of excellence and vision! You were visionary.
• My big Aunty —Mrs. Beatrice Hamza-Bassey — thank you for raising the standard and being an inspiration. Thank you for kind gestures in Lagos.
• Aunty Hyeladizira Hamza — Thank you for giving me my first breakthrough in Lagos. Your generous gift to me became an everlasting testimony. I will still come back to say thank you.
• Aunties Esther, Jenice, and Kucheli and big Uncle Wani — I love you all.
• In-laws — M.L (solid man) & Phiyiku (amazing sister), Clive (my man) & Phiyidi (correct woman), Phitami (loyal sister), Nkpahian (genius sister)— I love you guys and thank you for being simply amazing.
• My second-in-laws — Edna, Steph., Manji — Much love and respect.
• My cousins — Asabe, Beatrice, Solomon, Musa, Hezekiah, Hassan, Hussani, Ruth and your sister.
• My big aunties — Mama Comish, and Aunty Gatha — Your little troublesome boy is 40 now. I love you.
• Aunty Sunimba (one in a million) — thank you for being amazing. My BSc certificate is dedicated to you. Then of course very deep appreciation to Baba, Mama, Saundi, Suki and the Prof.
• For my other cousins and relatives too numerous to mention, I will come and look for you.
• Pastors — Dele and Morin Osunmakinde — you taught me faith that moves mountains, grit, and the attitude to succeed. I love you both. You’re people of enviable faith and virtue.
• Friend and brother Bayo Bello — my first spiritual mentor. You exclusively wrote 8-page letters to me in Secondary School to teach me God’s word. Thank you. You awoke my super consciousness.
• PDK (aka Dr. K) Business Partner, and Friend — The man without guile! Thanks for just letting me be myself. Lol. I hope we can be business partners in Heaven.
• DDK — There is only one DDK and no need for the full description. The encourager! You can really make my head swell and blow. Thank you for the prayers and kind words. You inspire me to be different.
• Pastors Deji & Oby Aladejebi —strong people. Thank you for believing in me more than I can imagine.
• Pastor Raymond Okpara — I am loyal sir. Thank you!
• TBC Family — I love you guys to the moon and back and then to the sun and back.
• Mrs. Nkem Uzowulu (Blessed memory) — our mummy from Ijanikin. “You carried my matter for your head pass anyone wey I sabi”. You loved and celebrated me without bounds. I miss you. Thank you!
• Miriaku Obioha — my first business partner. You have been consistent and critical. Thank you Mikkie from the bottom of my heart for just always being there. Wherever this “gospel is preached”, you shall be remembered.
• Yejide Ipadeola (Nee Daniels) — My reading Partner in University — you saved me from an extra year or maybe even dropping out, because I started to get ahead of myself with my Visions. Thank you and I am still coming back to say more thank you o.
• Kunle Joe Komolafe — You set my mind on the right track and exposed me to a Universe of possibilities. You were my first mentor and taught me to recognize and fight average and mediocrity. I love you sir.
• To my first family in Lagos— the Onokpachere’s — Mummy, Ediri, Ejiro, Ovie, Imoni, Jenifer (Ovonomo) and lastly the second man in the house (trying to remember the name) — You guys took me in as Corper in this Lagos, made me feel so loved. Excaptional people. I am still coming back to say thank you. I love you guys too much.
• Bosom friends — Ovie Daniels (in season and out of season, you’re my friend forever), Imoni Onokpachere (the younger sister I never had, thank you for always believing in me and being the cheerleader. Much love and appreciation — I am still coming to say thank you), Nelson Okwonna (the only man I can run to for urgent 2k. Lol. My confidant and word partner), Leke Ogunjemilusi (aka Bines), The only Keturah I know (Nee Yusuf), Emmanuel Onoja, Fola Onasanya (your stake is still waiting for you o), Tayo Osiyemi (solid brother), Seun Oloyede (my guardian angel), Charles Idem (my straight forward brother — the only guy who could tell me when my mouth was smelling), Uchenna Ukejianya (our coach for depths), Shak Umaru (loyal and solid man), Saheed Lawal (first friend in J.S. 1 — deep man with a large heart), Deyemi Okanlawon (Yes! The actor. Lol — the financial motivator).
• Oga Victor Aribioke — you’re an inspiration. Thank you for your large heart and spoiling us in London o! Lol.
• Nkiru Oluwatosin — My head girl, sister and friend. Solid woman of God — thank you.
• Mr. Chukwuka Monye — the man who handcrafted me into the management consultant I am today. I would not be where I am intellectually today, especially my thinking, if not for you. Thank you! I will come back to say thank you very well and promise to make you proud.
• Pope — Solid man in and outise. Thank you, sir, for the cheering.
• Mrs. Omokhiomo — thank you for always being there and for the advise and prayers.
• Kunle Oladebo (Blessed memory) — You believed in me! Thank You
• Kiki Onigbanjo (Nee Oranika) — Thank you for always being there from day one and for even when I fall short of being in touch. Your large heart will never be forgotten.
• Mr. Tokunbo Siyanbola — there can only be one you! I love you sir. Thank You for your large heart. Your generosity is unreal sir. You gave us our first office.
• Colleagues (present and alumni) at Enzo Krypton & Co. and Kryptr— Co-labourers of the vision to put African businesses on the global map and solve the talent crises. I love and appreciate you all.
• Special love and appreciation shout out to Ayomide Onasanya and Nwando Ogo — you guys make the grind worthwhile. I deeply appreciate you both and can’t wait for that cover photo on Forbes.
• Mr. Deji Adeniyi — the intellectual colossus, thank you for your kind words always.
• Business and Career Mentor — Mr. Kehinde Lawanson — thank you for being very tough on me, with no apologies and for teaching my hands to war and always eager to open doors. I promise to be audacious going forward.
• Tayo Bamiduro — My personal advisor on the quest to building an African Unicorn. Thanks for your time, always :-).
• Great Friends — Esrom Ajanya, Dayo & Amaka Ajayi (my dear people), Ifeniyi & Kemi Ifekoya (my good people), Kayode Akeremale (egbon), Kayode & Ijeoma Olagunju (my good people), Ayo Alade (my client, brother and friend), Udo Ezeamama (my good friend), Obinna Obilo (my good friend, we only need to switch on to catch-up), Obiora Okeke (Blessed memory), Adaobi Umaru (nee Uzowulu) my dear sister and friend, Femi Owoyele (always wishing me well, thank you sir), Biyi Alex-Adedipe (strong man, my bro.), Ugochukwu Monye (my Chairman and swag advisor) , Adeolu Adedeji (my solid business associate), Mustapha Mohammed (my G from Air force primary school), Gbolahan Yusuf (my brother and friend — you are the only whose name appears twice. Lol), Uche Ezeamama (strong man, looking forward to closing a transaction soon), Dolapo Atinmo (my client, brother and friend — large heart), Salami Abolore (my solid brother and friend — no shaking), Boye Oshinaga (we connect any day), Yetunde Odunsi, Adanma Nee Ezeagbulam (my sister, out of sight is not out of mind o), Itoro Nehemiah (solid man of substance and valor), Miracle Onyebuchim (my man and gist buddy), Babatunde Ojo (chairman), Victor Anagor (my guy), Tonye Cookey (my solid guy), Lawrence Idiakoha (my man and secret confidant), Damilola Oni (my man), Victor Nwaneri (my man any day), Promise Igodo (my partner and friend), Deji Kuye (my CTO), Ngozi Ikeka (strong woman of faith — always watchful — thank you) Faith Elaigwu (my large heart friend), Bolanle Oyewole (my personal person), Jesutoun Sijuwade (thank you for all the new month messages), Iyanuoluwa (my man), …
• Jesulayomi, because we are birthday mates — best wishes sis.
• Kids church, Conclave, Central CEC and TBC Abuja (my first love).
• Abubakar Ahmed (Abu) — the Ideas Genius. We must hammer o! Lol
• Pastor Chris Delvan — Thank you sir. I love you.
• Pastor Segun Coker — thank you for the advice to go and find experience first before setting out. You saved my life sir. I love you sir. I will still come back to say thank you.
• Pastor Ayo Olude — solid man of God. I admire your character. I love you sir.
• Daisy Yusuf — strong woman, thank you for your encouragements and support over the years. Well, by extension your husband Gbolahan(you now appear twice). Great couple. I love you guys!
• Investors —Sola Adeyinka and Seye Olusoga — thank you for believing in us. You guys are truly Angels.
• Amazing client turned family, who has a special place in my work and heart: Mrs. Adepetun — our first fruit ma, thank you for being a rock-solid woman and allowing me fly and thank you for all you do for us.
• Dr. Sadare (Blessed memory), you were an amazing, one-of-a-kind and lifetime woman. Thank you.
• Mrs. Adefisayo — Ha! I am speechless. You part the modern-day red seas — I love and appreciate you ma. Thank you for the amazing conversations we have and for trusting me beyond my imagination. I am at your service.
• Mrs. Ogunlesi — Hmmm, where do I begin. I better not start. You’re solid in and out ma. Thank you for the great honour you often bestow on me. Thank you for the gift of access.
• Inya Lawal — You’re special because you transitioned from client to sister and friend. Thank you for blowing my trumpet more than my windpipes could carry.
• Dr. & Dr. Mrs. Karunwi — great and good people. Thank you!
• Mr. Babatunde Abiose —My Egbon, I appreciate you sir. You don’t have wahala at all.
• To a long list of great clients, too many to remember — Nicole and Mr. H, Mojirade Bepo (my newest client on the journey), Tanwa (the specialist), Mrs. Teju Abisoye (we love and appreciate you), Pastor Zunny Abu (thank you sir for loving me), Kaffy (The dancer — great sister and woman of substance), Tete Mbuk (inspirational brother), Mrs. Njideaka (my great and big aunty, secret encourager — thank you), Yomi Awobokun (my egbon and execution inspiration)
• Osehi Obikoya — The woman who deliberately prays for me with alarm set. Thank you. You inspire me always. Oya, Tayo (husband, collect also).
• Mrs. Uche Ibe — aka cheerleader, the raiser of kings and queens. Thank you for the great conversations and encouragements. I appreciate you ma.
• Dear big sister — Mrs. Ayo Okpa Iroha, barely known in each other but you have become a prayer partner and strong encourager.

Finally, to you The Reader — Yes, YOU! Reading this article. Thank you for following and for getting to the end.

If your name was not on this list and you believe you were suppose to be on the list, please check within a week for updates, the platform will enable me to make changes. But if you still don’t make it. I love you still and please forgive me. Big hug!