WhatsApp Etiquette

Social media came upon us after graduating from secondary school. Back in school, we were taught letter writing, essays, and other forms of formal communication. I think it may be time to have frank conversations around its use, effectiveness, and distraction especially WhatsApp — because of its dual potential as formal and informal means of communication.

I am currently reading a book for the second time by Cal Newport, titled “Deep Work”. A key learning point for me from the book is: why there is a lot of mediocrity and shallow work in professional spheres. Cal didn’t spare the negative distractions of social media as a contributory factor among several other reasons. He showed the physical, psychological, and philosophical implications of being distracted, and when “your attention” is the whole essence of social media, you can understand why we may have a big problem.

My objective is not to say “get off social media”, which is not even possible for some of us but to start a conversation about discipline, self-regulation, and possibly some etiquette around it.

This may be important for the younger generation who sometimes have to interact with career and business opportunities and do not know how to switch from an informal to a formal chat or do not know the unwritten rule of engagement with important people.

It’s a lot of work to sort through messages to figure out which is important and not. So the fewer and more relevant, the better for us all in this hyper interconnected world, with everyone craving your attention.

This will lean mostly to WhatsApp as a formal means of communication and I’ll address thoughts for both personal and group chats. I hope this helps reduce the distraction and separates what is urgent and important from what is not both. Our attention span is limited and you need to save much of it to be productive and deliver great and deep work, which are rare and valuable for success as argued by Cal Newport.

Here is what I have titled “WhatsApp Etiquettes”:

1. Send the message as “one text”, not as single multiple messages: To save the reader some attention, why not compose the text as a single message with paragraphs to separate thoughts and shoot (send) once. It creeps on my skin when I receive WhatsApp messages like these:

Good morning sir,

How are you today?

Thanks for yesterday

I have something to discuss further

Let me know when you’re free.

Thank you sir.

Have a blessed day

………….

Please don’t ruin my day.

This is extremely distracting because the phone beeps every time you send that single text. Some of us actually pay attention to that because we want to respond to relevant and important opportunities. Your single messaging is attention zapping.

Use the line separator to create paragraphs and shoot once. If you’re however chatting with someone informally, maybe that is fine but not to your boss or someone Senior.

2. Please, not on Monday Morning: Don’t send a message that is not urgent, as the first thing on a Monday morning or at the peak of working hours. Spare it for later in the day or on weekends.

3. No, Thank You to Individual Birthday Messages: This one will be controversial. If you’re in a WhatsApp group, why reply the birthday wishes and prayers of every well-wisher individually.

My Dear Friends Mr./Ms. Gratitude, why not “reply privately” each message, which could show deeper appreciation and just send ONE general “thank you” note to all who took the time to wish you well on the group. Have mercy on the other members of the group and reduce the distraction pool. When you’re free maybe when others are not and vice versa, so there is no perfect time to send multiple messages.

You have to remember people are already on several other groups and if your argument is, let them mute the WhatsApp group and only read messages when important; you’re clogging their message log, which could lead to missed important messages e.g. when the job interview request or business deal comes in the middle of your 15th “thank you message”. Your appreciation replies are neither urgent nor important, especially to those who didn’t send you a greeting.

This of course doesn’t apply to family and much closely knitted small groups. Some people actually send private messages to birthday celebrants or call them directly.

4. No personal chats on groups: Do not start a private or personal chat with someone on a group and you both keep going at it, especially when you’re using the format in Etiquette 1. “Chief, how are you?” Or “ Madam, I miss you…..”. This one has made me redundant on several groups. It's okay to exchange one/two quick banters among a few people initially or to discuss a subject but not something unimportant to the group. Please take it off the group with the person.

5. Avoid Posting Regularly, Let your silence be golden: This may be controversial also. People typically belong to numerous groups e.g. Work, work committee (sub-group), High school group, High school reunion planning committee, Faith group, Sub-group, Cultural Group, etc. You can see we are already in a “world of distraction 4.0"; now imagine if someone has to be effective across all groups? That is why it is important to save people's attention span by posting only relevant and important messages per time. If you must, maybe not in the mornings; so people can concentrate on getting work done.

I put this out to finally silent a lot of WhatsApp groups, I hope it work :-).

6. Understand the theme of a group and relate appropriately: Don’t send your morning devotion to general or non-faith based groups. Before Believers take me on this, just remember that other religions have a right to do the same and what if they choose to exercise that right? If you don’t mind learning more about their own faith, that is fine; but some may mind.

If you are non-active members, it's usually okay to come in once with broadcasts that may be helpful or in a request for help.

7. Give people the option to opt-out of your broadcasts: For morning devotionals, Motivational charge, regular product adverts, etc. Once in a while give people the option to opt-out and remove them from your broadcast. Just send a nice message asking for feedback and if they are able to give you frank feedback (something rare in our time) — great for you.

It may be amazing to you but extremely distracting to others. Who said, I like your Faith’s doctrine or style? If we had to read all devotions sent, we may have to jettison the central book.

8. WhatsApp may not be the medium to “Actively Chat” with Busy Important People or even a New Client: Except he/she explicitly says so, even at that, don’t take their word for it, unless you’re providing them a service or suggesting “value”.

If you expect a busy executive, public official, or clergy (with so many followers) to actively chat with you over a sustained period of minutes, especially with your single messaging style in Etiquette 1— you may not gain any favors.

There may never be a perfect time, therefore compose one single text and send it at an appropriate time — evenings or weekends and NOT Monday morning.

If the relationship is not closely related, you cannot just start a chat like “so what do you think about The events in U.S…..” On a Monday afternoon??? Use WhatsApp to communicate precisely with busy people and leave it at their prerogative to start a conversation. You also need to make sure you have their permission before sending them a message on WhatsApp if you got their number from a different.

Begin with a text message and request to switch to WhatsApp, if required and after they reply.

9. When you’re a stranger, send a Text First: This message is explicit enough and needs little explanation. When you have the permission of your intended audience, switch to WhatsApp. Focus on introducing yourself properly and your purpose in the second sentence. This advice is very important for sales executives.

10. Strive to write properly, precisely, and salute appropriately with meaning and connection:

Here is an example, Sent as One Single Text (message) of course :-)

“Dear Joe,
I trust this meets you well. Compliments of the season and congratulations on your new role.

I would like to request for a good time to discuss a proposal I may have for your organization.

Thank you in anticipation and enjoy the rest of your evening”.

Always remember, your messages may be forwarded.

11. This one is for the Mums, use Google for Fact-Checking: You’re retired and have time, so we get it but most of the messages you’re sending were Blackberry broadcasts we read years ago or actually not just possible. If the story is strange, Google it first, read reviews about it before you send it. Just because the women's head or secretary sent it to the group, doesn’t make it accurate.

In Conclusion: Anyone remembers the “Pager”, it was for sending essential messages, maybe its time to go back to this essence.

I hope this helps us all stay focused and less distracted.

If you have more recommendations, please put them in the comment section and we’ll keep updating. I will remember to give you credit; who knows where this article will go.

Cheers.

Emmanuel Tarfa